So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
