Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
