We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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