i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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