I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
