loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
