So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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