ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
