Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
