Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
