There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
