I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
