I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
