Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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