Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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