If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
