Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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