There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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