I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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