I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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