I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
