I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
