I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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