ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
