I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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