PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we're making bets on your personal life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
