I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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