Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
