One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
