I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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