Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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