2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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