I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
