you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
