he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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