Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
