Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
