youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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