please come you make the beer taste better
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
