I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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