do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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