she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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