1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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