i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
