i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
