I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
