This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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