the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
