From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
