She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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