My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's rum buckets o'clock
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
