I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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