I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sex in a hospital.. check
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
